February 2012
3 posts
1 tag
1 tag
January 2012
5 posts
8 tags
3 tags
@PillReminders
I’m starting a twitter for people who are forgetful about taking their medications. Especially you ladies with your BC. I can’t afford another pregnancy, financially or emotionally. More than 50% of pregnancies in this country are unplanned, and that could be entirely prevented with twitter. But also for psychotics or people with infections or water retention.
It’ll be mostly...
2 tags
Downtown Abbey
The fast-paced life of a Manhattan fashion designer who’s putting the “Oh HELL no!” back in CAREER WOMAN. Whatever you do, don’t call her “honey”!
Downtown Abbey, adapted from the PBS original, Thursdays at 8:00, only on CBS.
4 tags
2018 kindergarten classroom
"Ms. Jones! Blue Ivy C. just cut in front of Blue Ivy K.!"
"Blue Ivy A., that's enough taddle-taling! Go to gym class with Blue Ivy W., and I don't want to hear another word about it."
"At least there's no more AIDS."
December 2011
6 posts
9 tags
6 tags
1 tag
If my name were Candi, and I sold yams and other candied treats, I’d call my store “The Sweet Shop”. I’d get tired of having to explain “The Candi Shop,” and ”Candi’s Candied Candies” would just be too cumbersome.
The Sweet Shop it is, then! It’s settled.
November 2011
9 posts
1 tag
Watch
I get a lot of questions from beginners asking “Who gave you your first break?” And my response is always the same: No one gave me my first break.
People don’t hand you success on a platter. I got it by waking up every day for fifteen solid months and working on a sheet metal monopoly board, then gluing magnets onto all the game pieces, so we could play on long car rides.
On dating websites I like to post pictures of me with my little cousin, just to make people wonder if I might have a kid. Then after we start dating, it’s not such a big thing when they find out I have a kid.
1 tag
It can be hard to accept that old friends have changed over time and might have gotten a little weird and crazy. Sometimes it’s not til the very end of dinner, when we’re walking to our cars, that I can start to tell they’re picking up on it.
October 2011
8 posts
1 tag
WatchThis is the little creature that is always falling over at my feet. She now has a jacket, because colder days lie ahead.
Do you need any puppy urine? We have so much, everywhere.
Coldplay: “vexingly adequate” - Yes! Those. are. the. exact words. Thank you.
1 tag
Have you ever been cleaning your ears with a Q-tip and then somehow you’re not paying attention and you’ve put it so far in that you can’t get it out? So you go to try and get it out with tweezers, and you’re digging around and digging around, and then before you know it the tweezers are all the way in there, too. Just, buried. So you wait a couple days, then decide to try again with some new...
September 2011
7 posts
1 tag
1 tag
My roommate just got a rescue parrot, and it calls people “fucker.” :-/ For instance, right now. I’m not being a fucker, I’m sitting just at my computer. But it keeps calling me this. I’m trying to work. Will this be the straw that finally pushes me beyond the “breaking point?” Stay tuned. “Be strong, Jim. Dry eyes. Be strong.”
kellyoxford:
I kind of look like this guy.
This is Hall of Famer and three-time Golden Glove winner Eddie “Steady Eddie” Murray. On top of being one of the most reliable designated hitters of the 1980’s, he is also the godfather of two of my children and the actual father of one. We still play poker together every other Thursday night, and he usually lets me win. He is the...
this is like watching a tugboat die
The latest epsiode of Superego is amazing and hilarious. Featuring Andy Daly, PF Tompkins, Erinn Hayes, & Rich Sommer.
August 2011
5 posts
July 2011
8 posts
